Every day, almost every second during the day, I think of you. How did you manage to draw me in, capture my every weakness making you so damn irresistible? At first, I dared myself to get to know you. The first time we were together, I knew I loved you. I'm reminded daily that your intent was entrapment. With you by my side, I felt I could get through anything. You made me look good or at least, that was the deception.
Everyday inside you broke me a little more, though I chose not to acknowledge your true intent because I loved everything about you. Your charismatic ways could convince anyone to believe you were the ideal person to be in a relationship with. During sex, I felt like a prop used for your amusement and satisfaction. All the while, longing for this to end and hoping you’d reach your pinnacle moment of ecstasy just so you would get off me. I’d wait until you fell asleep, go, and wash your scent off me. I'm embarrassed to think of how much I let you control me; it was as if I could not exist without you.
I know others knew; sometimes I think they hated being around me because of you. Being told you're going to be the death of me if I don't leave. It's true what they said. Refuting this would have been pointless because I knew needing and wanting you was no good. Somehow, I had to get you out of my life ... that is if I wanted a life. You robbed me blind, stripped me of myself-worth, convinced me that no one else would ever want me, and I felt shame after being with you because everyone knew. Brought down to my lowest points at times when I had to beg and borrow from others just to keep you from becoming outraged. There is no way to erase the damage already done. There will always be other people like you just waiting to prey on other people like I used to be, but it's up to me now to stay in control. I miss what I perceived as some great shared connection between us but what I miss most is the person I was before you became an intricate part in my life.
What will replace the broken person is the part of you that is much stronger and can stand up and not be broken again.
Have you ever experienced domestic violence (Physical Abuse, Emotional/Verbal Abuse, Sexual Abuse & Coercion, Reproductive Coercion, Financial Abuse, and Digital Abuse)? See Power and Control Wheel at http://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/#tab-id-1
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Dear238 QuickTip: If you or someone you know is involved in an abusive relationship seek help and don’t feel that you have to stay; there are plenty of resources to help. Your inner strength was and always will be with you; don’t be afraid to bring it forth.