When I was younger, I used to think that relationships should be easy. I thought if you had to put a lot of effort or work into the relationship it meant this may not be the right person for me, whereas if it were the right relationship, everything would just come naturally. There would never be arguments, right? That’s what I use to think, and then I grew up and learned a thing called reality! Relationships are hard and they do take a lot of work at least the ones worth having do. If you want your relationship to last be prepared to treat it like a full time job – one that you will work at 24-7, 7 days a week, 365 days a year! The thing that makes this different from a “job” is what you will get in return. The love, support and happiness and all those things you imagined when you were younger and thought that relationships didn’t take work – you’ll have those things – you just have to put in the work to get them.
Here’s what typically happens. Two people meet; you want to spend all your spare time together. Talking over the phone for hours on end and texting all the time. You somehow find the time to do these things when you are perusing your love interest. You have your work, maybe you help take care of your family, whatever life commitments you have – but in the beginning, you make sure to find the time to send sweet text messages to let your interest know you are thinking of them. You make time for that date. Now, fast forward down the road after you are into the relationship say… for a year or maybe married now. Why does all that stop? Why does all the effort you put into the relationship at the beginning suddenly stop as if your relationship isn’t worth the effort any longer? Nothing has changed. You still have your job; you still have your family, and you still have your life commitments as before. In the beginning, since you are pursuing, you don’t think about the things you were doing as work, but now that you have what you want, it seems like work. You may feel like you know each other well and no longer need to show the same initial affection as you both did in the beginning. To keep the flame form burning out why not continue pursuing them that same way! Otherwise, you become two people who share a space; aloof as each pass by the other going through your day.
The CDC reports as of 2015 (Excludes data for California, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, and Minnesota) the rate per 1000 total population marriages end in divorce is 3.1 (https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/national_marriage_divorce_rates_00-15.pdf).
If we spent more time working on our relationships once we are IN the relationship the way we did when trying to get INTO the relationship potentially that rate could decrease. Sure, there are added pressures if you have kids and a house payment but are those not more reasons to take the time to make sure you let your partner know how much they mean to you? It’s not going to be the grand gestures like in the movies. It’s going to be the simple things. Working through the everyday struggles while making sure your partner knows no matter what – you have their back! Life throws curve balls at everyone some receive more than others do, but it should not tear you apart. To have a relationship that is so important that when you are exhausted, knocked down and feeling like you had nothing left to give, you will still fight for the relationship. Whatever is needed you fight because that’s how much the relationship means to you.
Do you put in the effort or walk away when things get tough? Leave comments below.
Dear238 Quick Tip: If you show your partner the same interest you did in the beginning, throughout the relationship there will never be a doubt in their mind how much you care.