Webs of Entanglement
Have you ever thought, I’m never going to let anyone get too close again after being hurt countless times? Or maybe, date multiple people, get my needs met and avoid attachment. Though it may allow you to detach for the moment, this is a false sense of security that continues to break your spirit because, at some point, you were broken. After repeated misuse, abuse, and heartache we begin to construct an impenetrable web of protection. Remember, every built structure can come down and in the most sacred corners of the heart; we all want to believe true love is attainable.
As most of us have experienced, opening up in a relationship is not easy. Especially when you’ve tried to be honest by revealing secrets to the one you entrusted to keep them. Later, to find them used against you when the relationship goes array. Dating can be like playing a game of high stakes Roulette, never knowing if you’ll win or lose. The big question is how long do you keep trying before walking away and if you do leave how long before trying again? When dating, do you give all you have and accept whatever you get or do you accept behaviors otherwise not tolerated just for the sake of having of having a relationship? Imagine walking on a trail and suddenly feeling wisps of threads across your face and neck – you have walked through a spider web! You instantly become anxious and paranoid, frantically wiping at your face. Even after it’s gone, you can still feel remnants of the web. The experience is in your body, in your mind, and maybe even in your dreams. Could this be a metaphor of how a person feels after being fucked over by someone they thought cared?
The art of deceit is ancient. Satan tried this with Jesus and failed to convince Him each time. We all lie…every day, whether intent is harmless or malicious we all do it. Telling a good friend you like her shoes so not to make her feel bad about all the money she spent on them. Maybe to lift up a buddy’s confidence, you convince him the group at the next table has been checking him out. Other times, lies are meant to break you down for the sheer enjoyment of being cruel. Lies are dead words nestled on mental skeletons we’ve thrown in the closet of our mind. They form cobwebs so thick it entangles you into its sticky, stringy web…giving fear and pain free reign. This web of entanglement formed from lies you’ve told or those others have told you is so strong you’re unable to brush these microfilament stands from your body and mind. Initially, the first few times, though hard, you find a way to move past it. When it happens over and over sequential attempts to remove this becomes futile. Those fucked up boyfriend/girlfriend experiences we’ve all endured in dating can leave one feeling abrasive towards dating and hopeless about ever finding genuine companionship. Psychologically, it just doesn’t make sense why people do what they do. There is no relationship (family, lovers, besties, bros, co-workers) that will offer complete solace without pain. It’s more obvious the older we become that everything in life comes with a price. A great relationship with a lover might have caused you many heartaches and sleepless nights. This is life and life is a bitch until you find your happiness.
I believe people deceive others for various reasons, but most often it’s done to make them appear better than they are or to hide shame or guilt. The problem with lying is remembering all the lies you’ve told; it’s hard to keep your story straight. What is said once will be asked again when least expected. According to a study by University College London “Telling small lies desensitises our brains to the associated negative emotions and may encourage us to tell bigger lies in future, reveals new UCL research funded by Wellcome and the Center for Advanced Hindsight.” https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2016/10/161024134012.htm. Lies progressively intensify constantly creating a stronger, bigger web of deceit. Building relationship-tolerance is needed for any connection to last. A good relationship can’t be built on lies. Remember if a true commitment is what you seek, then you have to talk honestly! Young or old… lovers need to learn how to set aside the bullshit. Be the man or woman you boldly profess and if you’re not into someone let them know - don’t lead them on! This is the reason why so many people put barriers up and don’t know how or who to trust.
fluffy parts of dandelions blowing in the wind
The good news is, we don’t have to remain trapped in our cobwebs of deceit. At first, fear might overwhelm the senses. Thoughts of arachnoids (secrets/lies) coming out from everywhere to find refuge (honesty) will be uncomfortable. By starting this process, what was once stuck will begin to fall away like the white fluffy parts of dandelions blowing in the wind. Know that nothing is fool proof and the potential to fall back into a place of hiding is ever present for as long as we live. Give yourself a break from relationship woes by not allowing the past to control the future. Instead, let it be a guide to avoiding those same pitfalls allowing yourself to be bold enough to walk away. Stop running into your webs or those others have set for you.
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Dear238 Quick Tip: Learn to enjoy getting to know someone by knocking down those structures of protection you’ve built instead of holding onto the past.