A bright laptop screen shines from a room… you grab it and log on to your favorite dating site and start searching the profiles. There it is… the one… the one who you think could be your dream person; they are gorgeous with a witty profile. As the profile is read for this particular interest, you realize the type of person they are looking for does not describe you. This is the type of person you wish you were, but you are not.

It is not a sin to wish for certain characteristics.  This is the light-bulb moment of when we say… if only…, then my life would be perfect. Perfect does not and never will exist, not even the most stealth athlete is perfect. So, we ask ourselves… what’s wrong with me? I wish I looked like that person; I wish my body was toned like his or hers; I wish; I wish; I wish; I wish!!!  Ugh,… can't we just turn off the “what’s wrong with me, and I wish I had A, B and C” repeat button in our brain? If you’re guilty also, welcome to the other 7.347 billion people living on planet Earth. There is no need to openly admit this only self-reflection is necessary.

It’s a part of human nature to admire other's wealth, to long for acceptance by replacing your non-preferred features with features you equate to beauty. There is nothing wrong with having any of these thoughts or daydreams about owning possessions that increase social status or provide a sense of financial stability.

What we believe to be beautiful or a symbol of financial security could all be a mirage.  We all know the saying "The Grass is Always Greener on The Other Side of The Fence" but we usually find out this thought is untrue. The person you perceive as having it all and secretly wishing you could be them, might be struggling with self-esteem issues with their body. Perhaps they work out every day hours on end possibly skipping several meals. That big beautiful house you drive by with the perfectly manicured lawn, expensive vehicles in the driveway, but maybe inside the owners are struggling to maintain the "perfect" appearance with a stack of bills to pay. The moral of this is: be careful of what you wish for because that "perfect life" may not be what you've been imagining.

We set ourselves up for failure by thinking we can never be as good as _________ (you fill in the blank). If you learn to accept yourself in the moment, you will start to love yourself. We are really great at degrading and putting ourselves down; however, we are horrible at loving our flaws and idiosyncrasies; believing we are not as good as the person we admire. Dating online makes you compare yourself to all the other profiles that someone is going to see, and you’re hoping that you stick out in a positive way when others are searching. By not getting a response to someone you sent a message to can be disheartening. You may bring thoughts about why didn’t they choose me. Why didn’t they respond back to me? Know, that he or she was not the person for you, plain and simple! Be grateful, you didn’t get a response back because who knows what craziness you might’ve been exposed to. Sometimes what we think we want is not really what we need.

Yes, it is easier said than done, but you can’t change a pattern when always tracing the same path. If we say we want it to be different this time, we want to find Mr. or Mrs. Right this does not mean you should settle for Mr. X instead of taking Mr. Z it just means not to overlook Mr. Y because he falls in the middle.

Dear238 Quick Tip: Reality is desire turned into determination.